A Study on the Things That Make Me Sad

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

The above moodboard was made for my instagram ( @tragiclemons.inc ). It mainly started with me just putting random objects together and then giving it a title based on how it made me feel. Half way through making the moodboard, I realised I kept putting objects that made me feel like crying. This is a study on each object and why exactly it makes me feel that way.

The locket - It makes me think of all the people I have ever had a crush on. The love I desire is unattainable and I crave love, so that's tragic. It makes me bitter that other people can love whoever they want so easily and I can't. I can't exactly complain because I chose this I guess. I had to choose between religion and love and I think I picked right. How could I possibly be wrong? I don't even believe in love but I want it nonetheless.

Earrings - I like looking at pretty things and earrings are pretty. Maybe I look at pretty things to make myself stop seeing all the ugly around me. Even if I can't have them, I enjoy looking at them anyway. I think being unattainable makes something even more attractive than it actually is.

Hoodie - Not sure about other people but when I cry or feel sad, my body temperature drops. Wearing a hoodie helps me feel warmer. Perhaps it's simply warmth I crave.

Perfume - Aromatherapy is what it started out as, and now it's an obsession. They say scent, emotion, and memory are entertwined. I must say I agree. Perfumes make me feel like an elevated and more refined version of myself. When one feels so much hatred about theirself, they would do anything they could to erase every last detail that makes them them. I don't like myself much either.

Socks- They make me feel warm and it makes me feel prettier. I can't change my face, but I can change the socks I wear.

Scrunchies - I just like putting them on my wrist. They were always in the background whenever I felt sad and now I associate them with that feeling. When it hurts, make it hurt so bad you feel numb.*

Band aids - You know how slapping a band aid on a cut makes you feel better? Whenever I feel sad, I just put one on my hand and go about my day. Why my hand though? Am I trying to show others that I need help? I don't know. It helps me feel better, though temporarily, so I can go through my day and that's great for me.

Sushi- I used to eat suhi whenever I felt sad. And I felt sad whenever someone commented on my weight or how much I ate. Sushi temporarily removed my poisonous feelings and to this day, I still say sushi is my favourite food and that I crave it, even if I have stopped eating a long time ago.

Shoes- I like unattainable things. I like daydreaming that I will one day look cool and pretty. It's a form of escapism for me.

Milk- I am lactose intolerant. So why would I like drinking milk? I like being self destructive. It's the human urge to create, but it's also the human urge to destroy. I don't understand why it's hard to understand concepts that are dualistic. It's not something that is 50/50, it's like a mixture of mud and water, the boundaries are murky. There are those who wants to destroy eveything around them, and then there are those who want to self-destruct. The latter is more common than you think.

Teddy- It is soft. It is warm. More than anything, I want to hug something. For the entirety of my life, I have never been able to fall asleep without hugging something. It saddens me to think that I have been lonely for my whole life. I do not even have a reason to be this way. But no matter what I do, it always feels as if there was something missing. If it wasn't such a gut feeling I could just convince or reason with myself that I feel complete.

*DO NOT MIMIC ME. I AM STUPID SO DO NOT MIMIC ME.

-Lemon Farmer

(Tragic Lemons)

@tragiclemons.inc on instagram